Careless Whispers
Midnight in the Garden, chapter 17
Sereine had cried so much that it was easy to sleep. Her tears left her with a numbness that lent itself to slumber. She reentered her office in the morning feeling better able to withstand the madness of her feelings and the blue of Palpatine's eyes.
She noticed the hole in Palpatine's schedule at the tenth hour, but she thought little of it.
At about five minutes before that time, Palpatine stepped out to speak with his receptionist, caught sight of Sereine, and started into her office. She had chosen an office with clear walls and a good view of the entrance to the Chancellor's wing, electing to forego privacy in favor of knowledge.
Palpatine wore a slate blue robe, exactly the hue of his eyes but several shades darker. Swirling patterns in green, purple, soft yellow, and darker blue lined the sleeves, and a purple cummerbund defined the Chancellor's still-narrow waist. The ensemble set off Palpatine's silver hair quite nicely and added a touch of color to his cheeks. He knows I like him best in blue.
He paused in her doorway and studied her, a seldom-seen softness in his look. The softness hurt her because she knew it wasn't genuine, and she wished it could be. She remembered only too well the times, years ago, when it was.
Probably.
Sereine usually kept her door open. He stopped at the threshold and said, "How are you?" and came in. For just the moment, she delighted in his throaty voice and the handsome picture he made. He would never be quite as splendid as he was in his late forties, but whatever became of all of this, and whatever he did, Palpatine would always be beautiful to her.
"I'm all right," she said. She smiled up at him, and he rounded her desk, came closer, and gently drew his fingers along her jaw line.
"You looked sad," he said, in a tone that made her wish that it really was fifteen years ago, and that she could greet him in their old manner, with an embrace and a lingering kiss.
But it wasn't, and she couldn't. She met his eyes and said, "I thought you did, too." Maybe not just this instant - but in general, it was the truth.
Palpatine signaled his displeasure with her answer with a testy exhalation of breath and one corner of his mouth drawn back. For a moment his eyes searched hers and his fingertips stroked her chin. Then he turned abruptly and left her - just in time for her to catch a swirl of motion beyond him.
Had someone just walked into the Supreme Chancellor's office?
Sereine glanced up through the lobby at Avila, Palpatine's executive secretary, who sat attending to her work. After about five minutes Avila got up and set the kaffe machine to brew, and began arranging the Supreme Chancellor's fine china cups on a tray. Two fine china cups, on a tray.
Sereine got up and sauntered past. Instead of turning left toward the ladies' 'fresher, however, she dove right into the Supreme Chancellor's office before Avila turned around.
The red meeting room was empty, but she could hear voices murmuring indistinctly from the private office.
Sereine slipped out of her shoes and started quietly down the corridor. She'd chosen a wide skirt with a crinoline this morning and she had to press it down hard so it wouldn't rustle.
About halfway down the corridor the murmurs resolved into words. Palpatine and Bail Organa.
"- for the short notice," Bail was saying, "but because he's no longer a member of the Order I thought it might be best to come to you."
A soft laugh. "After your petition I thought none of you would ever see fit to come to me for anything ever again!"
"Obviously we were mistaken," said Bail. "And even if we weren't, this...it's important."
"Tell me," said Palpatine. So concerned. Briefly Sereine fantasized about whipping off that purple cummerbund - and choking him with it.
"Certain...discussions I've been having with Senator Amidala," said Bail carefully, "lead me to suspect that she knows the identity of Darth Sidious."
"Indeed?" Palpatine sounded as if he'd just sat on a pin. "Tell me, what makes you suspect this?"
"I'm not going to repeat anything in particular that's been said," said Bail. "It's just a...general sense I'm getting. From topics of discussion and just...just a very strong feeling. An intuition, if you will."
"Hmmm," said Palpatine. "Well, she's said nothing to me. But I don't think I'm her favorite person these days."
"But has Skywalker said anything to you?" said Bail. "Because in light of recent...revelations, there's only one way she could know this, if in fact she does know."
"I can't say that he has. But then, I'm quite skeptical about this 'Darth Sidious' theory, and Anakin knows that. I find it unlikely that he'd come to me prior to discussing it with the Jedi - Master Kenobi, in particular."
"Master Kenobi is on assignment off-planet," said Bail. "Though I'm sure you're aware of that. I did speak with Master Yoda about this privately. Not openly - rather, my intention was to discover if the Jedi had obtained the master's identity. The way I phrased my inquiry - if any such information had been revealed, there would have been some indication."
"And there was none?"
"There was none. And that quite alarmed me, because for them to know and not tell the Jedi - something is very wrong, if this is true. And I know that you're close to Anakin, perhaps closer than anyone, now that he's no longer a Jedi knight."
"Interesting..." Palpatine mused. "Interesting. I do wonder...Anakin has told me that the young senator does possess a degree of Force-sensitivity. Not enough to be trained as a Jedi, of course, but - I wonder, perhaps he doesn't know."
"He spoke about her to you?"
"Yes."
"Did you know they were married?"
"Yes."
Bail must have given him a disapproving look, because Palpatine said, "Oh, come now, Bail! What was I to do? By the time I discovered it, it was already done. I certainly didn't feel comfortable - "
Sereine smelled fresh kaffe. Hastily she pressed her skirts down as hard as she could, and backed down the corridor. She scooped her shoes up from the floor and dove behind Palpatine's desk just as Avila came in with her tray of kaffe and pastry.
Avila disappeared down the hall. Sereine jumped up, carrying her shoes, and sped out.
"Whatever you're doing, it's gone seriously awry!" snapped Sereine. She paced back and forth in Padmé's living room, skirts rustling, arms crossed. Padmé half sat, half lay on her sofa, her feet up, resting against Anakin, who sat at one end. Valorum occupied a chair. His blue eyes darted sternly from one face to another, not missing a thing.
"Imagine my shock, hearing Bail Organa of all people, telling Palpatine that you two know who the Sith Lord is! Padmé - " she whirled to glare at the senator. "What in blazes are you doing? If he tells Yoda, it's all over!"
"All right, you're enjoying this too much," Padmé glowered back. "I never realized Bail was thinking this when we spoke. Obviously Palpatine's not the only politician in the Capitol who missed his calling on the stage." She rubbed her forehead. "I thought that if something like this happened, it would be later, when Bail and Zar and I tried to approach people like Aks Moe. People we know are in Palpatine's pocket."
"Perhaps it's better that it happens now," said Anakin. "At least with Bail Organa, we know exactly what he's thinking and who he's told, so we have some hope of controlling the damage. Although I don't know why Palpatine told him that, about you." He looked down at Padmé. "I do think it's true, but I've never said that to him. And I certainly never told him we were married."
"Look. Stop," said Sereine. "Here's the situation. Bail thinks you know who the Sith lord is, and he's upset because we haven't told anyone. All kinds of horrible possibilities are mushrooming inside his head. What can we do?"
"We can just bring him in and tell him," Anakin shrugged.
"Then we have to convince him to handle it the way we're handling it," said Finis. "Either that, or risk him going to the Jedi Council himself. If he does that...he's in contact with Palpatine about this. Who's to say that Palpatine won't try to use him to incite the very rebellion by the Jedi that we've been trying to avoid?"
A silence chilled the room. Padme leaned forward and rubbed her forehead. "I can't believe I thought this would work," she said. "I can't even handle Bail Organa."
"How did you think you were going to handle Aks Moe and those guys?" asked Anakin. She turned to glare at him and he said, "No, I mean really."
"I was hoping that Fang and Bail would help me out," she said. "I never expected him to speak to Palpatine!"
Finis shook his head. "Neither did I. After I spoke with him about Palpatine a year and a half ago, I never believed he'd be taken in by that little stunt you arranged." He shot a murderous look at Sereine. "Looks like you outdid yourself, my dear."
"You talked to Bail about Palpatine? When did you do this?"
Finis looked her defiantly in the eye. "After the Tantive was boarded...right before my 'accident.'"
Sereine's expression grew battle-hardened. "You talked to Bail about Palpatine...and you didn't tell me!"
"You were working on Horoxx Ryder's reelection campaign and he was having lunch with Palpatine every week! How could I tell you?" He sighed. "It didn't matter anyway. I might as well have, with what happened afterwards."
Sereine blew him an angry sigh.
Finis turned to Padmé. "So. Padmé. We bring Bail in. We tell him everything. Will it work?"
Padmé was rubbing her forehead again. "I don't know," she said. "Before he spoke to Palpatine, I'd have said probably, but now...I don't know."
"You're concerned about something," said Anakin. He felt fear and dread pricking him in the Force, straight into his side where she lay propped against him.
"Yeah," said Padmé. "We corner him. We tell him. We talk to him. He agrees not to go to the Jedi. He agrees to help me with the rest of the Committee. But Palpatine already knows Bail is worried now. If nothing happens and Bail starts shrugging him off, he'll know Bail knows who he is, and he'll know he's working with us!" She swung her feet to the floor and sat up straight. "I don't want to get Bail killed!"
"You're right," Finis nodded, eyes narrowed. "The only reason you're safe is that Palpatine knows Anakin would never forgive him if he killed you. I'm safe because he can't find me. And why didn't he try for me again after the Star of Iskin, darling?" His hard stare found his wife. "Because I was always with you, perhaps?"
Sereine's eyes went hard and then her whole face. She faced her husband and arched one russet brow. "In that case, you should be thrilled," she snapped.
Anakin swallowed so hard he was sure Valorum would hear. Padme reached for his hand under the folds of her skirt and gripped it tight.
A tense silence hummed in the room. The older couple stared one another down. Neither would break the look.
Finally Sereine turned her gaze imperiously away and directed her attention to the young senator. "I think we're agreed. We put Bail off," she said. "Do you think you can do that without arousing suspicion?"
Anakin shook his head. "No. I can do it. I'm in the Senate Office Building all the time now. I can arrange to 'run into' him and carefully bait him to ask me. It's better," he said.
"Does anyone have a good objection to this?" Sereine asked, pointedly ignoring her husband.
No one said anything.
"What about Padmé's plan?" Anakin asked finally. He turned to his wife. "Do you think you can do it without Senator Organa?"
Padmé shook her head sadly. "I'd have to get all the others on board without his knowledge, and we go to him last," she said. "And I was counting on him to help me get the others. And if one person says anything to him - " she broke off. "I don't know where this leaves us. I'm sorry I failed at this. I'm so sorry."
"No matter," said Finis comfortingly. "It wasn't the easiest or the likeliest of tasks from the outset."
"I do not like this idea of finishing out Palpatine's term," she said. "It's too dangerous."
"I don't like it, either," Finis said, "but we must decide which is more dangerous - sending the Jedi against him now, or waiting. As much as I hate to say it, the one advantage I see in waiting is that if we send the Jedi against him when he no longer has control of the army - there would be no chance of another war then. If we can avoid disaster that long."
"I won't hear of revealing him until our babies are born!" said Anakin.
"Anakin, this waiting is not going to work!" Padmé argued. "He's working in secret all the time. We can't anticipate him! Who knows what he could do?"
"On the contrary," said Sereine, "I think we're doing an excellent job. I think we anticipate him very well. And there are ways to do better. They all start with: What does Palpatine want?"
"We can't possibly know that!" said Padmé.
"Of course we know that!" said Finis. "He's already told us!"
Three heads swiveled to attention.
"Palpatine wants Anakin as an apprentice. He's told us that. He wants every Jedi dead. And he wants to rule this Republic as a Sith dictator!"
"Finis!" scoffed Sereine.
Finis shot to his feet. "Open your eyes, Sereine! We all know this from third-form history class! A large portion of this galaxy was once a Sith empire! Do you honestly believe that a master Sith who admires Darth Bane and who's tricked and trapped and deceived his way into the Office of the Supreme Chancellor, will be satisfied with anything less! A Sith master who's already tried to murder both Bail and me, and who's ruined my career!"
Sereine's eyes blazed at him. "We don't know his ultimate aspirations."
Finis approached her in two giant steps and seized her forearms as if he would shake her. "Then think about what you do know! What you've covered up, some of it for years!"
They stared fiercely at each other with something close to hatred.
Finally Sereine broke free and walked away. Her eyes smoked as she cast a look at Finis backward over her shoulder.
"What I don't understand," Finis continued, "is the purpose of that meeting with the Jedi Council. A month ago Palpatine was alienating the Jedi - and we know what the purpose of that was. Now he obviously wants them in his pocket again, the way they were at the beginning of the war - and he's winning them back, no thanks to you." He shot this last at Sereine. "Why does he want them back again? What is he doing?" He directed this to Anakin.
"Unless I'm his apprentice, he's not going to share that with me," said Anakin.
Sereine took them all in with a hard glance that swept the room. "We'll see it. It will become clear, just like what we've already done. We'll get it. We're three for three now. Us, three; Palpatine, zero."
Finis raised an eyebrow at her. "Three?"
Sereine crossed her arms again and began to pace. "He's going to work on a way around us, and we know that. We've just got to watch and wait, and it will become clear. It's in the way of these things that they look very calm for a time, and then suddenly they become very...intense. But we always pull it out, and we've got to remember that.
"The important thing is that the violence has stopped. We've achieved that, and the way we did that is by inducing Palpatine to feel safe enough to stop. It's not going to work forever, and we know that. And I know the three of you are concerned about it."
She turned and gave the three of them a searching look. "I want the three of you to know that if all else fails - if we make a mistake, if there's imminent danger and no other way around it - I can kill Palpatine. If I continue to receive the offer I've been receiving this week...I will be able to eliminate him." Her eyes reddened and filled with tears, and her voice roughened.
"I will do it as gently and kindly, and as humanely as I can," she managed in a voice unsteady with impending tears, "but if we fail and there is no other option, I can do it."
Finis spoke through clenched teeth. "Why do I find that difficult to believe?"
She ignored him again and turned to Anakin. "What I need from you is a weapon. Something small, humane, and fast-acting, that doesn't require a lot of physical strength. Something I could hide in or on a piece of jewelry would be best."
Anakin thought for a moment. "I know just the thing," he said.
Padmé looked from one to the other in shock. "You can't do that!" she said to Sereine. To Anakin: "He'll kill her!"
Anakin shook her head. "If she plays it right, no he won't. If she means what I think she does, he'll never see it coming."
No one said anything for a moment.
Finally Padmé spoke. "I should let the three of you know that Bail's heard in the strictest of confidence from Master Yoda that Windu and his team are tracking the Sith master once again. It seems that there's been activity in that lair in The Works. We didn't think Palpatine would be stupid enough to go out there again, but apparently he has. They've discovered a new piece of communications equipment that wasn't there before. So maybe they'll find him in spite of everything, and none of this will have mattered."
"No," said Finis quickly. "No. He's much too smart for that. If Palpatine has drawn the Jedi out into the Works again, he's done it for a reason. He's about to do something - and he plans to blindside us all with it, once again."
"We'll catch it," said Sereine sternly. "We'll get it. We're good at this. We'll get it."
Padmé looked around at all of them, wide-eyed. "Maybe so," she said. "I hope so. But this is making me very nervous."
As the meeting broke up, Finis Valorum caught his wife's eye. "I thought you had promised to stay over this time," he said. "I'm surprised you still wear my ring. You wear his brooch every day now."
Anakin had noticed her blue and green brooch for a while now. He had not known it was a gift from Palpatine.
Sereine bristled. "I didn't say tonight," she said testily. "I said soon." After a moment, "I didn't bring overnight things with me."
Padmé fixed her with an even gaze and wouldn't let her get away with it. "I have a nightgown that will fit you," she said sweetly. "And Dormé always stocks extra toiletries."
The two women eyed each other. Finally Sereine gave in. "All right," she said stiffly. "Thank you, Padmé."
As he and Padmé turned their bed down, Anakin looked doubtfully at his wife. "Are you sure that was a good thing to do? Especially after tonight. They looked like they wanted to kill each other!"
Padmé froze for a second, considering, holding her end of the blanket. "She can't put this off forever," she said finally, and resumed folding the sheet down. "It's getting worse all the time."
She glanced across at Anakin. "Maybe we should barricade ourselves in."
Sereine collected the necessary items from Dormé and hurried into the 'fresher. At the very least, she could get the evening cleanliness rituals over with before settling into what promised to be a long and unpleasant evening.
She emerged in Padmé's too-short nightgown, toweling her hair, to find her tall husband hunched moodily at the bureau, playing idly with some trinket on its surface.
He looked up and caught sight of her in the mirror.
A wave of dizziness spun her head around. She felt her stomach lurch, and clench.
Finis lowered his gaze to the trinket in his hand.
"I'm asking you to tell the truth," he said finally, "even if you think you will hurt me."
She wanted to run from the room. She knew she couldn't.
"Since we've been married," said Finis, "have you slept with Palpatine?"
"No," said Sereine, grateful that she could say it.
She saw him draw a deep breath, and he turned to face her.
"Do you want to?"
"No," she said, again supremely grateful that she could be honest.
"Are you sure?" he said. "You're still in love with him. You've even said so to my face."
He turned and sat down heavily on Padmé's huge, soft, luxurious guest bed. Sereine put her towel on the counter in the 'fresher and got on the other side of the bed, lifting Padmé's shimmering lavender gown out of the way. She shuffled up behind her husband on her knees.
"Finis," she said gently. "You have to know that isn't the main thing that's at work, here. Surely you know that I can feel a humanitarian concern for Palpatine, the same as I do for the people he's harmed and the Jedi he's killed. I see Palpatine, Finis. I see that he's doing what he thinks should make him happy, what's supposed to bring him power and triumph. And I can see that he isn't happy. I can see that there's mastery there, and pride - but there is no joy in Palpatine. Even he is suffering, Finis. I can see that!"
He pivoted to face her, his face savage. "Oh, yes, you do, don't you, my wife?" he snapped. "I see how your eyes follow him, how you read each and every little gesture as if it were your own private window into his mind! The Jedi don't need the Force - all they need is you! Do you think I don't see the obsession that's trained you so well? When the twins are born Padmé won't be so attuned to them as you are to him!"
Sereine nearly choked. Finis had her there, and she knew he could see it in her eyes.
"You're lying to me, and I have to have the truth from you, Sereine. I have to have the truth."
The haunted look in his eyes did not suggest that he could handle it.
"Finis," she said softly, and reached out and put her hand on his arm. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Palpatine was never the person I thought I knew. I understand that now. All that time I thought he was worth guiding, worth promoting, even worth covering for, he was a much different person from what I ever believed. I see that the Palpatine I loved didn't even exist. And so I don't know why I have these feelings that I do."
His eyes searched her face.
She decided to be completely honest. "He did put his hands on me, and I did kiss him. Anakin saw." So much hurt came into his look then that she had to turn away. "It was why we were fighting, the other day. Padmé knows."
When she could look at him again, Finis was looking away from her.
"I'll tell you what I told them," she said. "I don't know what's wrong with me! I hadn't thought about Palpatine in years, not until this whole petition issue came up. And, I don't know, since I found out about him - since that night - I just...these feelings, are just - I don't want them, I don't understand them, and I can't make them go away! Can you understand that?"
Her husband's sad blue eyes returned to hers. "And he's encouraging you..." he said.
"Well. We figured out what that was about, Anakin, Padmé, and I. It isn't even about you and me. It's about me and Anakin." She looked away again. "I'm pretty sure Palpatine hates me. That he'd gladly snap my neck if he thought he could get away with it. If he ever loved me at all once - and I don't even know about that - he hates me now. And he'll never love me again."
"How do you feel about that?" Finis's voice was a husky half-whisper.
"I'm not surprised. I expected it. And yet - "
And suddenly tears crept into her eyes and her voice, and she knew she had to tell him. "And yet I find myself thinking of the man that I thought I knew. The Palpatine I thought I was with then, and the kind of relationship that we had. And I find myself longing for it with all my heart - " she began to cry, and had to force the rest out through her tears. "And I know that it's ridiculous, because what you and I have had has been more real and more honest and more true than anything I ever had in eight years with him. And I don't know why I feel this way, and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
She could no longer control her sobs.
Finis sat, his head bowed and his shoulders drooping, and passively let her cry. At length he got up and walked away.
Finally Sereine got control of herself. She sniffled and wiped her eyes on her hands. She was afraid to look at her husband, but she knew she had to.
Finis stood near the door of the refresher watching her, and he looked a million years old.
"Can you tell me why you don't love me anymore?" he said finally.
She smoothed her hands over her cheeks. "Finis, that isn't true. I love you. I love you very much. I've always loved you, you know that. I loved you when I worked for you, before I ever went to work for Palpatine. I just couldn't tell you then. You know that, I've told you that."
Anger lit Valorum's eyes and sharpened his haggard features. "You know what I mean. That consuming, romantic, sensual need for someone that you've always felt for him! Did you ever feel it for me, Sereine? Ever?"
She met his eyes, upset that he could ever even think such a thing. "I did!" she shouted back. "You know I did!"
And then she heard herself, and she knew that he did, too.
The look in his eyes was indecipherable. Anger? Pain? Resignation? Or perhaps it was all three.
"A moment of honesty," he said at last.
Sereine could not speak.
"You can have the bed," he said finally, and left the room.
She sat numbly, wondering what was to become of them. Had she just ended her marriage? She asked herself how she felt about that. No clear emotion surfaced, nothing at all, and that distressed her. She wanted to love Finis that way. But perhaps she couldn't any more.
Perhaps she never had.
And if that were true, she had done a terrible thing in marrying him. And she knew it. And she felt so ashamed.
Suddenly she wondered where he was. If he had left the apartment -
She got up and went after him.
Total darkness shrouded Padmé's living room. As her eyes adjusted to the gloom, she could just make out the outline of her husband on one of Padmé's couches, staring over the balcony at the speeder traffic. The tinkling of Padmé's little fountain broke the stillness.
Slowly Finis bent forward, and she heard him start to cry in choked, strangled sobs.
Slowly she went forward and lowered herself to his side. Slowly she put her arms around him.
"I'm so sorry, Finis. Finis, I'm so sorry..."